What Emotion Dysregulation Means, and What Can Help

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When feelings move faster than you can

Maybe a small comment can wreck your whole day. Maybe you go from calm to furious in seconds, then spend hours trying to come down. Maybe you have said or done things in a wave of emotion that you later regretted. If this sounds familiar, you may have come across the term emotion dysregulation.

It is a useful term, but it is not a label for who you are. This guide explains what it means, where the idea comes from, and what tends to help. It does not diagnose anything. A licensed clinician can help you sort out what is going on for you.

What the term means

In Marsha Linehan's theory, the basis of DBT, emotion dysregulation is a broad problem with how emotions are experienced and managed. A 2009 paper by Linehan and colleagues describes three parts: heightened emotional sensitivity, difficulty regulating intense emotional responses, and a slow return to emotional baseline.

In that view, an emotion is more than a feeling. It includes thoughts, body changes, facial and muscle reactions, urges to act and the actions themselves. So dysregulation can show up in your body and behavior, not only in your mood. The same paper says it leads to unhelpful patterns of response when emotions run high.

Emotion regulation is the other side of the coin. The Linehan Institute describes DBT's emotion regulation skills as understanding emotions, reducing vulnerability to them and changing unwanted ones. Everyone has moments when feelings are hard to manage. Dysregulation describes a pattern where that happens often, fast and with real costs.

Behavioral Tech, a DBT training institute, describes DBT as designed for people with extreme emotional sensitivity. It also starts from the assumption that people are doing as well as they can and also need to learn new ways to respond.

What it can look like day to day

If any of this involves self-harm or thoughts of suicide, do not wait. Call or text 988, or call 911 if you are in danger.

A 2016 review notes that when emotions are intense and change quickly, people often develop behaviors aimed at avoiding painful emotions. Those behaviors can bring quick relief and cause harm later, which is part of what DBT works on.

Emotion dysregulation looks different from person to person. These are examples of how the three parts can play out, not a checklist:

• Reacting strongly to things other people seem to shrug off, such as a short text or a change in plans.
• Feelings that build so fast there is no time to think before acting.
• Staying upset for hours or days after the event has passed.
• Strong urges to do something right away to make the feeling go away, such as lashing out, drinking, spending or self-harm.
• Feeling ashamed or empty after an emotional storm, and worrying about the next one.
• Relationships that swing between closeness and conflict.

The biosocial idea behind DBT

Linehan's biosocial theory says emotion dysregulation grows out of a transaction between two things. One is a biological vulnerability: some people are more emotionally sensitive and reactive from early on. The other is what the theory calls an invalidating environment.

The 2009 paper describes an invalidating environment as one that is intolerant of a child's private emotional experiences, especially emotions that are not backed by something others can see. It may reward extreme displays at times, while also sending the message that emotions are unwarranted and should be handled alone. A child in that setting may not learn how to understand, label, manage or tolerate emotions.

This is not about blaming parents. The theory describes how a sensitive child and their surroundings shape each other over time. It also helps explain why validation, both from the therapist and, in time, from yourself, is a core part of DBT. Behavioral Tech describes DBT as pairing acceptance strategies, such as validation, with strategies for change. Our guide on what validation is explains it in plain terms.

Where emotion dysregulation shows up

The National Institute of Mental Health says borderline personality disorder is a mental illness that severely impacts a person's ability to regulate emotions, and that it often involves difficulty regulating emotions, which can lead to impulsivity. You can read more on our pages about borderline personality disorder and BPD treatment.

Emotion dysregulation is not limited to BPD. The 2009 paper notes that impulsivity and emotion dysregulation also occur together in other conditions, including some behavior problems and substance use. A 2013 review explains that DBT has been adapted for adolescents with mood disorders, eating disorders and other conditions, because of a common problem with emotion regulation across them.

Having intense emotions does not mean you have any of these conditions. Some people have intense feelings and manage them well. What tends to matter is how often the pattern happens and how much it disrupts your life.

What tends to help, and what to do next

NIMH says DBT teaches skills to manage intense emotions, reduce self-destructive behavior and improve relationships. The skills fall into four areas: mindfulness, distress tolerance, emotion regulation and interpersonal effectiveness. Our page on DBT techniques walks through them. A 2016 review notes that the emotion regulation skills start with identifying and labeling emotions, and include lowering your vulnerability to negative emotions and building in more positive events. Distress tolerance skills, the same review says, include crisis survival strategies such as distraction and self-soothing, along with acceptance of what cannot be changed right now. Accepting a situation does not mean approving of it.

Skills like these are learned with practice, and many people learn them in therapy. It often helps to practice a skill when you are calm, so it is easier to reach for when emotions run high. A DBT diary card can help you track emotions, urges and the skills you try. To see how the formats differ, read comprehensive DBT vs DBT-informed vs a skills group.

Emotion dysregulation is one of the areas Mountainside specializes in, and the practice offers a free 15-minute consultation. Learn more about DBT therapy in Denver. If you are not safe right now, call or text 988, or call 911.

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