How to Talk to the School About School Refusal

Contact the school early, put it in writing, and ask for two things: one point person and a meeting. You do not need a diagnosis, a plan or a perfect explanation first. A short, honest email that says your child is struggling to attend because of anxiety or distress is enough to start.

Waiting usually makes it harder: absences pile up with no reason on record, and staff are left to guess. The American Academy of Pediatrics advises parents to discuss school avoidance with school staff, including the teacher, the principal and the school nurse.

This is general information, not legal advice, and every school is organized a little differently.

Who does what at a school

Job titles and duties vary by district and by building, so treat the table as a starting map and ask the front office who fills each role at your school. Our Denver-area school district attendance contacts page links to each district's own pages.

Under C.R.S. 22-33-107(1), an attendance officer's duty is "to counsel with students and parents and investigate the causes of nonattendance."

What to say in the first email

Keep it short and factual. Say plainly that anxiety or distress is the reason, because an absence reported as "sick" hides the pattern from the people who could help. Send it to the counselor and copy the attendance office.

Here is a template to adapt:

If you do not hear back within two or three school days, reply on the same thread and call the front office.

What to bring to the meeting

• A one-page summary: when the difficulty started, what mornings look like, and which parts of the day are hardest
• Your attendance log: dates missed, late arrivals and early pick-ups, and who you told each time
• Any letter from your child's doctor or therapist, if you have one and want to share it
• Your list of requests, written down, so nothing gets lost in a tense conversation

Bring another adult if you can. Afterward, send a short email that lists what was agreed, who will do it and by when.

What to ask for

You are asking for a plan, and Colorado's attendance statute points the same way. For a child who is habitually truant, it requires district policies to provide for a plan developed "with the goal of assisting the child to remain in school," with the parent's full participation when practicable (C.R.S. 22-33-107(3)(b)). You do not have to wait for a truancy letter to ask. What a school can offer will differ.

• A named safe adult. One staff member who greets your child on arrival and is the person to find when things get hard.
• A re-entry plan with steps. A written sequence, such as one class, then a half day, then full days, with dates. See our gradual return-to-school plan.
• A place to go when overwhelmed. A set room, a time limit and a return to class.
• A plan for what happens before a call home. Nationwide Children's Hospital advises making sure school officials understand the situation and "don't send the child home for the wrong reasons."
• How absences will be coded. Ask which absences will be marked excused, what documentation is needed and who can sign it. District policy decides this. Our guide to Colorado attendance law explains the rules.
• Make-up work triage. Ask teachers to identify the essential assignments, so the backlog does not become a new reason to stay home.
• A check-in schedule. For example, a brief email from the point person every Friday and a review meeting in two to three weeks.

If your child may need formal accommodations, ask in the same meeting how to request an evaluation. Our guide to 504 plans and IEPs for school refusal covers that process.

Sharing information between the school and a therapist

A written release is generally needed. Under the federal Family Educational Rights and Privacy Act (FERPA), a parent must provide "a signed and dated written consent" before a school discloses personally identifiable information from a student's education records, apart from exceptions listed in the regulation (34 C.F.R. 99.30). The consent must specify the records, the purpose and the party receiving them. These rights transfer to the student at age 18.

In practice, that means signing the school's release form if you want staff to share attendance records, plans or teacher observations with your child's therapist.

Information going the other way is separate. A therapist has separate confidentiality obligations and will normally ask for authorization before sharing anything with a school. Ask your child's therapist what form they use and what they would share. You can keep it narrow.

When the school is not responsive

Move up one level at a time, in writing, and stay factual. A general path looks like this:

1. The counselor or point person, with a follow-up email and a phone call
2. The principal or assistant principal
3. The district office: student services, the mental health department or the district Section 504 coordinator, depending on the issue
4. An outside organization that can explain your options

Colorado organizations that work with parents

These are listed alphabetically, described as each one describes itself on its website. We are not recommending one over another.

• Colorado Department of Education. For special education disputes, CDE describes three options under the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act: mediation, state complaints and due process complaints. CDE states that it cannot investigate alleged violations of Section 504 and directs families to the U.S. Department of Education Office for Civil Rights in Denver, 303-844-5695.
• Disability Justice (formerly Disability Law Colorado). Its education page says it works for "students' right to remain in school, free from harm." It also says its attorneys rarely provide individual representation.
• NAMI Colorado. NAMI Basics is described as a free, six-week education program for parents and family caregivers of children and teens. Its topics include advocating for a child's rights at school.
• Parent to Parent of Colorado. Its website describes connecting families of individuals with disabilities or special health care needs to emotional and informational supports.
• PEAK Parent Center. Colorado's Parent Training and Information Center. Its website offers one-on-one guidance from a Parent Advisor on special education and disability services.

Keeping the relationship workable

You will be working with these staff for months. A few habits help.

• Assume staff want your child back in class, and say that you do too
• Describe what you see ("she is shaking in the car") instead of what you think staff did wrong
• Keep requests few and specific, and agree on a date to review them
• If a meeting goes badly, wait a day before you reply

If there is a real problem at school, such as bullying, raise it directly. The American Academy of Pediatrics tells parents to "become an advocate for your child" in that situation.

Mountainside Behavioral Health offers outpatient therapy and parent training for ages 8 and up. See school refusal and school avoidance support.

If your child talks about wanting to die, is harming themselves, or you are worried about their safety, call or text 988 to reach the 988 Colorado Mental Health Line (free, confidential, 24/7). If anyone is in immediate danger, call 911.

Frequently asked questions

Related reading

• Colorado attendance law and school refusal
• 504 plans and IEPs for school refusal
• Denver-area school district attendance contacts
• A gradual return-to-school plan
• What to do when your child refuses school
• School refusal and school avoidance support

All school refusal resources →

This page is general education, not medical or legal advice, and it does not replace an evaluation by a licensed professional who knows your child. Laws, district policies and program details change; confirm them with your school district or the organization named.