Grief or Depression: Understanding the Difference
Short answer
Grief is a natural response to loss, and for most people its pain eases over time. The American Psychiatric Association says grief tends to come in waves mixed with good memories, while depression lowers mood or interest most of the time for at least two weeks. The two can happen together. When intense grief lasts a year or more and disrupts daily life, it may be prolonged grief disorder, which a clinician can assess.
In crisis or thinking about suicide? Call or text 988 now (in Colorado it reaches the 988 Colorado Mental Health Line). If you are in immediate danger, call 911.
This guide is not enough if
- You are thinking about ending your life or about joining the person who died, and might act on it. Call or text 988 now, or call 911 if you are in danger.
- You want a diagnosis. This guide cannot tell you whether you have depression or prolonged grief disorder; a licensed clinician can.
- You are using alcohol or drugs heavily to cope. A medical provider can help you find safe support.
- You need help for a grieving child. Some grief groups listed on this site serve children and families.
If you are grieving right now
If you have lost someone, you may be wondering whether what you feel is normal. Some days you might feel almost okay, and then a song or a date knocks the wind out of you. Others may have told you to "move on," or you may worry that you are moving on too fast.
The American Psychiatric Association (APA) calls grief a natural response to the loss of someone close, and says that for most people the symptoms of grief ease over time. It also notes that feelings of grief may sometimes increase at different points in time. If the holidays are one of those times for you, the site's holiday season support page brings together resources for that time of year.
This guide explains how grief, depression and prolonged grief disorder differ, and when extra support may help. Please read it gently. There is no single right way to grieve.
What grief can look like
MedlinePlus, from the National Library of Medicine, says everyone feels grief in their own way. It describes common reactions, which may not come in any order, may happen together, and may not happen at all for some people:
- Denial, disbelief or numbness
- Anger, or blaming others
- Bargaining
- Sadness, low mood and crying
- Acceptance, or coming to terms with the loss
How long grief can last
MedlinePlus says people who are grieving may have crying spells, trouble sleeping and a hard time getting work done. It says the acute phase of grief may last up to 2 months, and milder symptoms may last a year or longer. It can take a year or longer to work through strong feelings and accept the loss.
Grief is not only about death. MedlinePlus notes that people also grieve an illness that will not go away, a chronic condition, or the end of an important relationship. The circumstances matter too: when a death was accidental or violent, coming to terms with it may take longer.
The APA says that for most people, grief does not usually require mental health treatment. MedlinePlus says family and friends can offer emotional support, and that some people also need help from clergy, mental health specialists, social workers or support groups. Still, you do not need to be struggling badly to want someone to talk to.
How grief and depression differ
If you are thinking about ending your life, call or text 988 now. If you are in immediate danger, call 911.
The APA says grief and depression can both involve intense sadness and pulling back from usual activities, and that grieving people often describe themselves as "depressed." But it points to important differences. In grief, painful feelings come in waves, often mixed with positive memories of the person. In major depression, mood or interest is low for most of two weeks.
In grief, self-esteem is usually maintained, while feelings of worthlessness and self-loathing are common in depression. In grief, thoughts of death may come up as a wish to join the person who died. In depression, the APA says, thoughts tend to focus on ending one's life because of feeling worthless or unable to cope with the pain.
Grief and depression can also happen at the same time. When they do, the APA says grief is more severe and lasts longer than grief without depression. The site's page on major depressive disorder describes depression symptoms in more detail.
| What to compare | Typical grief | Depression | Prolonged grief disorder |
|---|---|---|---|
| How feelings show up | Painful feelings in waves, often mixed with good memories | Low mood or loss of interest most of the day, nearly every day | Intense longing for, or preoccupation with, the person who died |
| Sense of self | Self-esteem usually maintained | Worthlessness and self-loathing are common | May feel as if part of oneself has died |
| Timing | Acute phase may last up to 2 months; milder feelings can last a year or longer | Symptoms for at least two weeks | Death at least a year ago for adults (6 months for children and teens), with symptoms nearly every day for the last month |
| What may help | Support from family and friends; sometimes clergy, counselors or support groups | Psychotherapy, medication or both, per NIMH | Treatments using elements of CBT, per the APA |
Prolonged grief disorder
For a small group of people, intense grief does not ease and makes it hard to get through the day. The APA calls this prolonged grief disorder. It was added to the DSM-5-TR, the manual clinicians use for diagnosis, in March 2022.
The APA says the diagnosis requires that the death happened at least a year ago for adults, or at least 6 months ago for children and teens. The person has intense longing for the person who died or is preoccupied with thoughts of them, and has at least 3 symptoms nearly every day for at least the last month. Those symptoms include feeling as if part of oneself has died, marked disbelief, avoiding reminders, intense emotional pain, trouble re-engaging with life, emotional numbness, feeling life is meaningless, and intense loneliness. The grief also has to last longer than social, cultural or religious norms would expect.
The APA estimates that 4% to 15% of bereaved adults experience these persistent symptoms. Only a clinician can assess this, so treat the list as a reason to talk with someone, not a test.
When grief may need professional support
MedlinePlus suggests contacting a health care provider if you cannot cope with grief, are using large amounts of alcohol or drugs, become very depressed, have long-term depression that gets in the way of daily life, or have suicidal thoughts.
At a visit, MedlinePlus says, a provider will usually do a physical exam and ask about your symptoms, including sleep and appetite. It notes that grief symptoms that last for a while may lead to clinical depression, which is one more reason to speak up early rather than wait.
The APA says treatments using elements of cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) have been found to help reduce symptoms of prolonged grief disorder, and that CBT for insomnia can help with sleep problems that come along with it. It also says there are currently no medications for the specific symptoms of grief. If depression is part of the picture, the guide on therapy, medication or both explains how those options fit together.
Support groups can help you feel less alone. The site's guide to Denver support groups lists grief groups for adults, children and families.
Mountainside offers individual therapy, including CBT and trauma-informed treatment, for teens and adults in Greenwood Village and by telehealth across Colorado. You can start with a free 15-minute consultation, and the depression treatment page explains how. If you need more than weekly sessions, the guide to choosing a level of care can help. If stress at work is also wearing you down, see stress, burnout or depression.
Frequently asked questions
Is it normal to feel numb after someone dies?
It can be. MedlinePlus lists denial, disbelief and numbness among common reactions to grief. For most people, the APA says, the symptoms of grief ease over time. The APA does list emotional numbness among the symptoms of prolonged grief disorder, but that applies when intense grief persists for a year or more after the death in adults. If numbness worries you, a clinician can talk it through with you.
Is there medication for grief?
The APA says there are currently no medications to treat the specific symptoms of grief, though research is underway. If depression develops alongside grief, a prescriber can talk with you about whether medication fits, and NIMH says depression treatment typically involves psychotherapy, medication or both. Talk to a health care provider before starting or stopping any medication.
Can grief cause trouble sleeping?
Yes. MedlinePlus says people who are grieving may have trouble sleeping, crying spells and a hard time being productive at work. The APA notes that CBT for insomnia can help with sleep problems that come along with prolonged grief disorder. If poor sleep lasts or makes daily life hard, a health care provider can help.
Can you grieve something other than a death?
Yes. MedlinePlus says people can grieve an illness that will not go away, a chronic condition that affects their quality of life, or the end of an important relationship. Prolonged grief disorder, as the APA describes it, refers to grief after a death, but any loss can bring real pain that is worth support.
Do grief and depression ever happen together?
Yes. The APA says grief and depression can co-exist, and that when they do, grief tends to be more severe and last longer than grief without depression. Telling them apart can help you get the right kind of support. A licensed clinician can help you sort out what is going on.
Next: get ready to decide
Weekly therapy, intensive programs, inpatient and crisis care: what each involves and how to tell which fits now.
Sources
- American Psychiatric Association: Prolonged Grief Disorder
- American Psychiatric Association: What Is Depression?
- MedlinePlus Medical Encyclopedia: Grief
- NIMH: Depression (NIH Publication No. 24-MH-8079)
- Mountainside: Telehealth therapy in Colorado
Clinically reviewed by Emily Biggs-Heisler, Ph.D., Licensed Clinical Psychologist, Clinical Director and Co-Owner (Colorado psychologist license PSY 6010) on November 8, 2026. Facts checked against the sources above on November 8, 2026. This guide is general education, not medical advice, a diagnosis or a treatment plan. It does not create a therapist-client relationship. For advice about your situation, talk with a licensed clinician.