How to Encourage Someone You Love to Try Therapy

In crisis or thinking about suicide? Call or text 988 now (in Colorado it reaches the 988 Colorado Mental Health Line). If you are in immediate danger, call 911.

When someone you love is struggling

Maybe your partner has stopped sleeping, your brother drinks more than he used to, or your adult daughter cancels every plan. You can see they are hurting, and you think therapy could help. You also know that saying "you should see someone" the wrong way can end the conversation.

Your role is not to diagnose or to fix. It is to show care, offer help, and make the next step feel smaller. SAMHSA says friends and family can make all the difference in a person's recovery process, and it is also clear that you cannot force someone to get care. Both are true, and holding both can take some pressure off you.

Timing helps. SAMHSA's family guide suggests a private setting with few distractions, such as at home or on a walk. Avoid raising it during an argument, in front of others, or when either of you has been drinking or is exhausted.

Before you talk, jot down two or three specific things you have seen, such as "you've missed work three Mondays in a row" or "you said you can't sleep." Concrete examples are harder to brush off than general worry. Also decide what help you can really offer, so you can make a specific promise and keep it.

What to say

Start with care and specifics, not labels. Words like "depressed" or "addict" can make someone defensive, while "you seem worn down" invites a reply. SAMHSA suggests opening with lines like these and then listening closely:

• "I've been worried about you. Can we talk? If not, who would you feel comfortable talking to?"
• "I've noticed you haven't seemed like yourself lately. How can I help?"
• "I care about you and I'm here to listen. Do you want to talk about what's been going on?"
• Ask open-ended questions, such as "How would you like things to be different?"
• Point out strengths instead of what they are doing wrong. SAMHSA notes that criticism can make people less willing to ask for help.
• Repeat back what you heard: "So work has felt impossible since the reorganization."
• Mention that help exists and that mental health problems can be treated, without promising a particular result.

Offer practical help

Often the hardest part of starting therapy is the logistics, not the idea. Offer to share the load: look up a few licensed therapists, read profiles together, or sit nearby while they make a first call. How to find the right therapist explains credentials and fit, and therapy vs coaching vs support groups can help if they are open to some help but not sure what kind.

Many therapists offer a short free call before booking. What happens on a free therapy consultation explains what is usually asked, so your loved one knows what to expect. If they would rather start with their doctor, NIMH notes that a primary care provider can refer them to a mental health professional. NIMH also says some people find it helpful to bring a close friend or relative to an appointment for support and to help remember what was discussed.

If cost or insurance is the barrier, Denver mental health resources lists lower-cost options, support groups and crisis lines in the area. If time or travel is the obstacle, many therapists see clients by secure video, which can fit around work or caregiving.

If they say no

A no today is not a no forever. SAMHSA notes that it may take many conversations before someone gets help. Thank them for listening, tell them you will be there when they are ready, and ask if you can check in again. Then actually follow up, in a week or two, in a low-key way. Raising it every day can feel like pressure and may make someone dig in.

Try to understand the objection. Some people worry therapy means something is wrong with them, that it costs too much, or that they tried it once and it did not help. Responding to the specific worry often goes further than repeating that they should go. Keep inviting them to the things you usually do together. Staying connected matters even if therapy never comes up again for a while.

Sometimes the message lands better from someone else. SAMHSA's suggested opener includes asking, "If not, who are you comfortable talking to?" A sibling, close friend, faith leader or their own doctor may be easier for them to hear. That is not a failure on your part. It is another way of getting them support.

If you are worried about their safety

If they talk about wanting to die, have a plan, or you think they are in danger, call or text 988 now, or call 911 if there is immediate danger. You can contact 988 yourself when you are worried about someone. NIMH says that if someone says they plan to kill themselves, do not leave them alone, and do not promise to keep it secret.

NIMH also suggests asking directly, "Are you thinking about suicide?" Studies show that asking does not increase suicidal thoughts or behavior. Reducing access to highly lethal items, such as firearms or stockpiled medications, can help keep someone safe. If weekly therapy seems like too little, choosing a level of care explains the more intensive options. After a crisis, NIMH notes that staying in touch can make a difference, so keep checking in.

Look after yourself, too

Worrying about someone you love is draining. SAMHSA advises making time for yourself each day, being honest with the person if helping them is taking over your life, and helping them think of other people they can count on so you are not their only support. If their struggles are affecting your sleep, your work or your home, that is a reason to get support for yourself now rather than later.

Your own therapy can help, whether or not your loved one ever goes. Mountainside offers individual, couple and family sessions in Greenwood Village and by secure video across Colorado, with a free 15-minute consultation. You can contact the practice for yourself or to learn what a first step might look like for the person you care about.

Frequently asked questions